Tips for being safe on Halloween

1. Don't drink any nightshade tea.


2. Always wear a reinforced steel neck brace when travelling in the forest alone at night.


3. Have spaghetti for dinner ...and don't forget the garlic bread! (And don't brush your teeth after dinner!!!)


4. Don't assume that's a mask they're wearing...


5. Don't light any black-flame candles (unless you're not a vigin, then you can knock yourself out)


6. Check your pumpkin juice for veritaserum.


7. Don't use a metal detector to find your candy.


8. Don't go to any death-day parties. They're not worth your time and the food's rotten (literally)


9. Pumpkins aren't the only scary vegetables


10. Avoid anybody named Jack. (Just trust me on this one...)


11. When trick-or-treating, avoid dentists' houses (unless you really want a toothbrush).


12. Be wary of all creatures of the night (wolves, werewolves, bats, vampire bats, ninja squirrels, and, most of all, were-rabbits. Be especially careful of were-rabbits).


13. Avoid swampy areas.


14. Don't mess around with Jim (or tug on Superman's cape, or spit into the wind, or pull the mask off the ol' lone ranger...)


15. If you start to hear foreboding music in the background, don't run away -- that always makes everything ten times worse.


16. Wear night-vision goggles


17. As an extra precaution carry one or more of these items on your person:
    
    • wooden stake
    
    
    • gun loaded with silver bullets (note the plural bullets. carrying only one around is just plain dumb).
    
    
    • cross or crucifix
    
    
    • maglight
    
    
    • garlic (salt or powder would be preferable, as they're more practical in combat, but cloves will work well as defense mechanisms)
    
    
    • sword or sharp stick (these don't need to be reloaded)
    
    
    • any sort of silver charm
    
    
18. Keep a torch and/or pitchfork by your door, just in case.


19. If you find yourself in a situation where you're staring down the end of a wand, all I've got to say is that I sure hope you've got a really good insurance policy...


20. No matter what the TV news people say, dress yourself all in black. Sure, it decreases others' ability to see you, but that can be a good thing...


21. And when all else fails, you can always try calling the cops. Maybe they'll act out of character and actually believe you.