results! ..........come to think of it.... there's got to be some people who didn't give me reviews... what the hell?!anyway... some examples of what i'm talking about is in the paragraph where rita is reading the old obituaries. one person said they liked it, another said it was too lengthy, confusing, and unnecessary. and some of the comments they put are rather dumb. no, seriously.
i'm not being judgemental because they're criticizing my work, that's what they're supposed to do. there's this one guy who pretty much said i need to get rid of all my signature comical elements (the asides... much like this one... and several lines that were ment to be funny that he edited to be serious and plain). he also said i should change the dialogue in the scene where rita's mother is telling her to clean off the dining room table. obviously, this guy hasn't been around teenagers in a while. i originally wrote:"Okay, Ree, now, I'm going to have my boss over for dinner tonight, so I'm going to need you to help me clean up the house."
"Mhmm..."
"Rita? Did you hear me?"
"Mhmm..."
Rita's mother poked her head out from inside the kitchen where she had been working, "RITA!"
"Huh? What?"
and here's what he changed:
"...help me clean up the house."
"Hhmmm?"
"Rita? Did you hear me?"
"WHAT?"
Rita's mother poked her head out from the kitchen where she had been working, "RITA!"
"Huh? What?"
kay, now the thing is rita isn't having trouble hearing her mother (and her mother isn't having trouble hearing her either, for that matter), they both can hear each other fine. rita's just not listening. everybody else picked up on that... plus there's the fact that it's completely redundant for her to yell "what" when her next response is "huh? what?" makes no sense, don't you think?
one person told me to change the kind of juice rita's drinking in one of the ending scenes. i have her drinking juicey juice. they said to change it to a specific juice (apple, grape, whatever). she's not drinking plain ol' apple juice or grape juice, dammit, she's drinking juicey juice!
i also got the comment that rita sounded too young to be seventeen. "how could she not understand death? she sounds more like she's fourteen" okay, here's my problem with that: rita is a confidant individual. she demonstrates this when she shows no regard for authority and beats up her best friend in the middle of the school hallway. fourteen-year-olds aren't so sure of themselves and who they are, you know? there's that and the fact that they're giving seventeen-year-olds too much credit. just because you're seventeen doesn't mean you've dealt with death. you could probably live till your late 20s before anyone close to you dies (that you can remember anyway). living like that would make one extremely unaware of death and the repercussions that accompany it.i also got some comments on giving more descriptions. i don't usually describe the characters' appearances or the setting much. why? i dunno, it just doesn't seem important. if they've got a feature that's important to the story, i'll introduce it. apparently no one likes to leave things up to the imagination anymore.
no one understood what "..." meant either..........
ah well, it was nice to get all that out.
i needed a good rant. these people just aren't in touch with their inner child enough... a couple people said i'd be a good young adult fiction writer. i'm not going to argue the fact, because "young adult" fiction is come of my favorite stuff. it's more interesting than all the boring shit that happens in "adult" stories. i don't give a damn about some guy who's having an affair and meets his mistress in an apartment in the city where they get naked and scrub the tile floors together. seriously, what's the point there? a friend from my fiction class described my story as allowing for some great escapism. i can relate there. i like to read to escape, and i write what i want to read. reality is just so fucking boring.
3 comments:
thanks for all the advice and feedback. i can send you my story if you want.
the nice thing about all of it is that i can pick and choose what to change. I was just ranting on how i got such a wide range of results. there are alot of points many of the other students made that i completely agree with, such as the title needing to be changed. i couldn't think of a good one originally, so i just stuck a cliche and cheesy one in there for the time being. and the ending needed to be altered. i agreed there too.
I personally think a Ninja squirrel should interupt thier dialogue and assasinate them both.
That makes the best stories.
Ninja Squirrels are the enemy of all man, THEY MUST BE DESTROYED!!!!
ps-I thought Anne's story was pretty funny
Post a Comment