worst day ever...

today has got to be the shittiest day i can remember. i woke up late, since my afternoon lecture was cancelled, but through the course of the afternoon i developed a terrible headache. that and i just got irritated so easy. i felt like punching a hole in the wall or punching a hole through my computer screen or ripping my bedsheets apart or completely trashing everything in my room, but i couldn't! because you just can't do stuff like that! so being unable to do that made it ten times worse. i was trying to write a summary and do some review sheets for my evening english class, but i just couldn't concentrate, and trying to do so got me even more pissed off. and 5:30 came strangely fast, which stressed me out even more. i just completely lost it. finally i calmed myself down enough to sit and finish the summary, which i did a pretty shitty job on, i believe, but then my headache was back (and yes, i did take some aspirin), so i skipped class and took a nap, which made me feel terrible. calling my mother crossed my mind, but despite how many places you hear that mother will make it all better, calling my mom to tell her i couldn't write a summary and was considering (and did) skipping class would only make things ten times worse. she would be furious, which is why she isn't going to find out. so now i have to figure out what to say to the teacher when i email her and ask to scheduele a conference so i can make up what i missed. and i have three commentaries i have to write for tomorrow morning. and my headache is back (it went away temporarily after my nap, and yes, i did take more aspirin). i just don't know what to do...

as for getting involved in stuff, there is a writing club, so to say, but i'm already on their emailing list. they're not doing anything till this saturday (and haven't yet since the start of the semester). tennis.... i don't even know how to play tennis. badmitton.... i think you're just coming up with random sports at this point, chris. oh, and fraternities are guys' organizations. girls have sororities, and i would shoot myself before i joined one. i was talking to the receptionist at my psychiatrist's office about what i was doing this fall, and she said she had gone to uno, and added that she rushed (joined a sorority), but ended up not enjoying it. she said if you don't like to party (whether it be the legal or illegal kind, i believe) then you won't find anything you'd enjoy in a sorority. i'm just not a people person, i know i'd hate it. judo may be a good choice, but i need saturdays so i can work. i can't work any other days of the week, just fridays saturdays and sundays. wednesdays too, but that's not the point. plus i really need to save my money for food and other living expenses. i'm just lucky i didn't go shopping much this summer. yea, sure, i have ended up going shopping lately as something to do, but clothes and manga are just higher priorities for me than judo. i can't help it, i'm just that kinda person. and yes, it really is that mundane here. maybe not for everyone, but it sure as hell is for me.

well, my headache is subsiding, so i better finish my homework while i still can.